Gobstopper: Why the F*** Not?

Before I begin my shpeel, I'd like to give a special thanks to James for allowing me to "do my thang". This is my first of many posts for Combinations Follow and hopefully my warped point of view will be appreciated by all.

Now that I've taken care of that, let's get down to business.



If you can't recognize the man above, than you should seriously consider neutering/spaying yourself with rusty surgical equipment. He is Christopher Allen Lloyd a.k.a. Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future.

I'll assume you know what Back to the Future is because if not than some sort of inhumane euthanasia is in order. I wish nothing but the worst on you and your worthless family whose genes you share. Your souls will not be spared in the afterlife.

Anyway..

I stumbled across a "trailer" for a movie with endless promise. It's a distorted version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The original story was about a group of 5 separate children who won a contest by finding gold tickets in their Wonka Bar wrapper and the prize was a trip to the factory where the scrumptious bars were made. (Not to mention a lifetime supply of chocolate which to me would be a dream come true. Yes, I'm a fat slob who can't enjoy a day without chocolate.)

Gobstopper adds a sweet demented twist on this story and makes Wonka out to be a sick f*ck of a candy maker who's sole intention is to lure these children into his factory for a torturous display of psychosis induced hi-jinx. I've done you the favor and posted the video below.

Please watch prior to reading further...

I don't know about you but every time I watch this trailer, my nether-regions throb nearly explode with excitement at the idea of teenagers dropping "boner"-bombs, chocolaty bars, bloody-thirsty jackass Oompa-Loompas, and Christopher Lloyd at his very best playing a hysterically deranged candy-creating genius. The only downside is being subjected to the chick from Superbad's creepy grill. Her face inspires a non prick friction bathroom break.

As the trailer ended, I went to IMDB.com to check for a release date. I type in "Gobstopper" and find nothing. My heart stops... I type in the name "Christopher Lloyd" and review his upcoming work.

Jack and the Beanstalk...Food Fight...Call of the Wild...SANTA BUDDIES!?!?! WTF.. Where the SH*T is Gobstopper?

I go back to the trailer and noticed what I should've noticed in the first place: the FUNNYORDIE.com link in the bottom left hand corner.

Are you kidding me? This isn't real? What kind of jack-off sadist would drop a trailer of this magnitude in my lap and not follow through with the potential horror flick of everlasting glory?
I WANT TO SEE WEE MAN EAT PEOPLE GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok look. Let's face it. The movie scene right now for me is like taking a stroll through the Sahara desert with no oasis on the horizon. I look forward to seeing horrible movies like "Knowing" just so I can bask in its inadvertent comedic splendor. Don't we all deserve to be entertained by movies with cannibal midgets? Why are we deprived of a film that features horny teenagers walking into a chocolate factory of doom? This is the type of sh*t I live for.

Christopher Lloyd's career must be saved and this is the perfect vehicle to make that happen. I'm ready, willing, and able to begin petition for the production and release of a possible instant classic.

I want to make Gobstopper a reality... WHO'S WITH ME???