I must have been lying under a rock

I didn't hear anything about this supposed animal that washed ashore in Montauk at the end of July. I'm always wary of these things. Remember the zombie dog from a few years back? That thing freaked the hell out of me but of course I knew better and said to myself, "If the government was developing zombie warfare, we wouldn't know until they let it out of the bag or it became some sort of Captain Trips epidemic."

I say weird things to myself a lot.

But is this thing real? People say it's a turtle without its shell. Or a dog who's been seriously fucked up beyond belief. Or even some sort of chupacabra. I'm always betting on the Jersey Devil or Sasquatch's retarded younger brother. Now that guy's ugly.

Almost signed up to write reviews for a porn site, but the only problem is that you need to buy the first one in order to keep the dvds coming from then on. Hmm, even though it is a legit site, they can choose to believe that my sarcastic writing style isn't titillating enough for their one handed readers and then I'm out 15 bucks with Backyard Bongo Babes Vol. 17: This Time It's Anal!

I have two ides for comic books. I just need an artist. So therefore they're going nowhere.

Woohoo!

EDIT: I know exactly what this monster is!