I miss Michael Keaton

With the release of the new Batman flick The Dark Knight in about 24 hours (trust me, I'll be there at 12:01 a.m.), I brought out my Batman DVD collection and was watching bits and pieces of each one. Then I decided to throw on Tim Burton's Batman, and watching Michael Keaton made me realize that I miss the guy a lot.

I really do. He was always that awkward yet charming individual who women liked and men wanted to hang out and have a beer with. But what went wrong? Where has he been? It's not as if he hasn't worked recently. He's actually been in some movies, one of which did pretty decently at the box office.

Where to begin though? I guess the best place, as usual, is the beginning. Not when he was doing bit parts on sitcoms and one line readings in films. I'm speaking about his comedic beginning. So the best place to begin would be his star turn in Night Shift.

The year was 1982, I was a spry 2 years old and don't remember much besides zweibeck cookies and apple juice cocktails. But I know when the years passed and I finally got to see this film, I appreciated what kind of comedy it was. A swinger comedy starring the Fonz and Keaton, directed by Richie Cunningham? A funny foray in the overnight mortuary business and to make ends meet they throw together their very own brothel and hilarity ensues. And with Keaton's Billy Blazejowski, the laughs come at rapid fire. A film that desperately needs a special edition.

He followed it up with the feel good comedy Mr. Mom, another comedy where hilarity ensues once the wife goes to work and dad is left home to fend for himself. A film written by John Hughes, it's not a great film, but proved Keaton's star power and showed he could do a straight laced comedy.

He then jumped onto the 1930's era comedy Johnny Dangerously. You can't get better than the comedy duo of Michael Keaton and Joe Piscopo. And I'm not even being sarcastic there. Not only was it one of the first films with a PG-13 rating (Ahhh, Spielberg always innovating), but had some heart to it. If you don't know what it was about, he played a good natured man who needs to work in a life of crime to pay for his mom's expensive medical bills. A good mafia satire, not many people remember this film when I mention it to them. Maybe I need to speak to people who know movies a little bit more. Joe Piscopo, like in Dead Heat, steals every scene chewing line.

Then came another Ron Howard film, Gung Ho. I remember my dad hating the film for some reason, so I put off from watching it because I trusted my dad's opinion. But then one day I caught it on HBO and sat down and watched it. And liked it quite a bit. A film delving into the whole Japanese work ethic and American laziness, I liked the dichotomy Howard brought to the movie and Keaton again brought a comedic flare to a film with some deep issues that people were going through in the 1980's. It's a film that my friend who is now a business professor uses as a template of what could happen.

His next star making turn was his first foray into Tim Burton's mind, Beetlejuice. It's a film I've watched hundreds of times and still find it hysterical. He's so over the top and you could tell he's loving every minute of it. Great cheesy stop motion special effects, a young and hot Winona Ryder, a young and 'still can't believe it's him' Alec Baldwin, 1940's would be pinup Geena Davis (a future installment in I Miss series), a pre-child pornography and 200 pounds lighter Jeffrey Jones. It just works on all accounts. A twisted children's movie with enough sexuality that parents didn't mind bringing their kids to see it. But then again, did many of them get the film at all?

In the same year of 1988, he went dramatic and did Clean and Sober, showing he had the guts to play a coke addict and alcoholic who had no cares in the world until he meets a woman (the great Kathy Baker) and wants to help her and ultimately falls for her. Morgan Freeman as the drug counselor puts in some great work as well. I notice a trend with Michael Keaton movies. A lot of them get lumped in between great iconic roles he's done, so people forget about the little gems he produced here and there.

He went right back to comedy with The Dream Team. A fun 'fish out of water' comedy about a group of guys who are in a sanitarium (led by Keaton with great comic performances from Christopher Lloyd and Peter Boyle) and find themselves lost in New York and framed for murder. One of those feel good about my home town movies. But hell, NYC at that time was full of psychos, pimps and murderers. Well, more so then now. They know how to hide it better.

Of course in the year of 1989, Bob Kane's supposed* bouncing baby boy was finally made into a true to life big budget summer film. Batman was unleashed to all of us comic book nerds and we fell in love with it the moment we laid eyes on it. But the road there wasn't too easy. The same comic book fans who cheered for this darker take on the Dark Knight were earlier ripping apart the notion that 'the guy who played Beetlejuice' was to play Bruce Wayne. Michael Keaton felt the pressure and proved them wrong with a good portrayl of the dual identity. Even though I always thought he was a better Batman and a half way decent Bruce Wayne. I always felt he was a bit too awkward in the millionaire role. Tim Burton brought his own quirkyness and made the film his own. Jack Nicholson was a good Joker, a ultra violent Cesar Romero protege, which isn't a knock on the performance. I'm a fan of the original series, no matter how many Bams, Biffs and Pows there were. A fun romp was this version of Batman, but we all knew there could be more. Someday.

A duo of subpar films came next (Pacific Heights and One Good Cop) which are more or less delegated for a late night cable watching, but nothing more. We all knew we were waiting for the next installment of the Batman franchise. Batman Returns came to theaters in the summer of 1992. Myself being a more spry 12 year old, I rushed to the theater to see Keaton again play the caped crusader. When I left the theater, I don't know how I felt. I liked it like a lot of people did, but how long was Batman even in the film? 30 minutes? That's how it felt. I still wonder if anyone ever took a tally on how much screen time the hero has in that film. You could also tell Tim Burton had much more of a stranglehold on the story, with some good (Catwoman/ her suit/ Michelle Pfeiffer in general) and some mediocre (Danny Devito wasn't bad, but this freakish penguin monster of a man? Eh, not a fan of that. Or of the Penguin in general). But still, an enjoyable mess of a film, with Christopher Walken's worst hair style in the history of filmdom. And that's including Joe Dirt.

I think I was one of only 7 people in the world who saw My Life in theaters. And I wish it was 6 people, because that was a bad film. A young Nicole Kidman looking less like the infamous Cat Lady and more like the beautiful irish lass we all loved at one point. But he bounced back with another Ron Howard helmed film, The Paper. I really enjoyed that film. A great script. A really great cast (I can't help but love all films with Robert Duvall**). And some tight direction. A film that I didn't think I'd actually keep watching 15 years later, but Keaton always surprises.

Next he made a cute film called Speechless. He paired once again with his Beetlejuice costar Geena Davis and it was the matchup of a lifetime. I speak about Batman vs. Superman, Keaton vs. Reeve. As a kid, I think I was the only 14 year old who made that connection when seeing that film in theaters. I was a bored kid, can't you tell? We then go into Harold Ramis trying to regain his comedy bug with the sci fi comedic yarn Multiplicity. I watched it.

Once.

That is all.

His next 3 films were not only enjoyable, but two of which I still cherish today. Jackie Brown, Desperate Measures and Out of Sight. Jackie Brown and Out of Sight he played the same great character of Ray Nicolette, a great little twist to both films. Both done by directors I still love today (Tarantino and Soderbergh). I still say Jackie Brown is Tarantino's red headed stepson when they promote any new movie by him. They always pan over that film and I still don't know why. It was a progression in his repertoire, like Death Proof, so maybe people didn't get it. I always forget that the mass movie public aren't too bright. And Out of Sight was the first time I saw George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez as stars in the making. Only one deserves it still.

But what happened after those two great character pieces by Keaton? He did a family film with a badly CGI snowman (Jack Frost), a decent sports movie (A Shot at Glory), a terrible straight to DVD action film (Quicksand), some shit I'll never watch (First Daughter and Herbie: Fully Loaded), a crappy horror film (White Noise), a decent but little seen dark comedy (Game 6) and Pixar's second worst film*** (Cars).

Where did he go? What can he do to bring back the glory of his once shining career? A lot of people (myself included) say that after Batman, he hit a snag in his career. He still had a few choice and brilliant roles, but he wasn't matching box office gold like he once was, so the starring roles got to be fewer and far between. Hollywood is sometimes a bitch, and he's felt the wrath. But I have more faith in him to bring the goods again. He just needs a little resurgence. A role that only he could play.

Any great filmmakers out there need a good character actor? Hey Ron Howard and Tim Burton... you worked with the guy multiple times. Bring him back to greatness. Come to think about it, what great movies have you guys done in the last 10 years? Hmm, on second thought Michael, find some new fresh blood. A director who will appreciate you and a script that will give you back your groove.****


*Bill Finger: RIP

** Well, not every film. Kicking and Screaming comes to mind. Ewww.

*** A Bug's Life being my least favorite.

**** Unlike Stella.

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I miss Eddie Murphy

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. And no, I am not speaking about the abysmal movie Eddie with Whoopi Goldberg. Ugh, that just sent shivers down my spine.

No, instead I speak about the abysmal movie career choice/choices that Eddie Murphy has chosen in this lifetime. What happened to our 'heh heh heh' guy? Oh right, Beverly Hills Cop 3 happened. Thanks a ton, John Landis.

I speak of the good old days, the all or nothing days. The days when Eddie Murphy was both racy and funny as fuck. Funny as fuck is funnier than funny as hell. Trust me, the devil told me once. He never lies.

Eddie Murphy used to be funny. Not in the 'PG, boy there's some fart jokes and crazy hijinks' type of funny. It was more along the lines of, "R rated, fuck all that shit man. I'm a funny fucker." type of funny.

Where to begin? I guess I should begin where he hit his stride, his comedic repertoire was given a chance to shine and he could gain notoriety as the one guy who would say and do the things nobody else would. Of course, like my last 'I'm missing someone' article about Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy was also showcased very well on Saturday Night Live. You'd think it was some sort of breeding ground for top movie talent.*

But while he was on, the only real talents on the show were Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo (sorry Gilbert Gottfried) and we all remember who made Dead Heat. I don't have to go into detail as to why Eddie Murphy's run on SNL was a brilliant cross between intelligent humor and in your face comedy about race. I'll just mention Gumby, Buckwheat, undercover as a white man, Mr. Robinson and his Stevie Wonder impression. Even when he messed up during a segment, he just rolled with it, yelling at the crowd.

While still on the show, he knew his time had come and he jumped right into film making his feature film debut in 48 Hours with everyone's favorite mugshot, Nick Nolte. A fun action comedy (which was to become a staple of Murphy's), it was a smash hit and because of a Nolte illness, Murphy became the only cast member to host SNL while still a cast member. For some reason, I remember this, and I was only 2 years old. I'm lucky if I remember what I ate yesterday.

He then did Trading Places with future 'I Miss' cast member Dan Akroyd. A fun Prince and the Pauper redux, it was a bigger hit than his first film and he was looking like a mint to Paramount. We'll skip Best Defense for the simple fact that it shouldn't be mentioned ever again. Instead he made a small stand up comedy film called Delirious that made a bit of a splash. It made the makers of red leather suits millions and offended many people worldwide. Not his best stand up though...

But then he went right into filmdom's premier tailpipe stuffing cop movie, Beverly Hills Cop. Axel Foley became a phenomenon and is one of his films I can still just throw in my DVD player and have a blast, no matter what my mood is. Plus it had some great music and the always under-appreciated Judge Reinhold.

He went a different route next and went with the supernatural comedy The Golden Child. Not one of my faves, but a decent comedy that still did tremendous business. He was on a role that Hollywood doesn't see as often anymore** He then had a double whammy with Beverly Hills Cop II and one of my favorite stand up comedy films of all time, Raw. Just the name shows how much it's going to offend and make you laugh. Stand up comedy movies don't have that event status anymore in theaters. I can't remember a time now that a comedian by himself could open his own stand up movie to make money. The only ones that do any business now are films with 3 to 4 different comedians, so you get a good 30 minute set with each of them.

Then came the duo we hadn't been waiting for but was surprisingly not too bad of Arsenio Hall and Eddie Murphy in the film Coming to America. A fun film that still did a hell of a lot of business, but then his next film was the first bump in his career. Harlem Nights, the drama he co-wrote (with Charlie Murphy!), starred, directed, produced, was best boy and did craft services for came out. A vanity project through and through, all I can say is that I don't like that film whatsoever. Boring is usually another word I associate with that film. I remember being a kid and my dad letting me rent a film at our neighborhood video store and I saw the cover. Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor... with old time clothes? Was this some sort of gangster comedy?

No. It wasn't. That was a dollar I could never get back again.

His next 5 films were all a bit of mis-step for him. Two were sequels to movies that shouldn't have been made (Another 48 Hours and the already mentioned Beverly Hills Cop III), a political comedy (The Distinguished Gentleman), one was a decent comedy that all my friends loved at that time (Boomerang) and one was one of the worst pieces of crap in horror history, directed by one of the great horror storytellers (Vampire in Brooklyn and Wes Craven... respectively).

Then came the Klumps. Everyone laughed in the theater, even I did. I can't help but laugh at people in fat suits (well, not always Mr. Lawrence). It revitalized his ailing career. Or did it? It made a ton*** of money and showed the public still liked Eddie Murphy. But what version of Eddie was this? This wasn't the R-rated, f bomb spewing Murphy of years past. This was a PG-13, crude fart humor Eddie Murphy. And after the laughter, I didn't like where this was headed.

He must not have either, because he jumped into the underrated and under performing R-rated action/comedy Metro. It starred a triple threat in the likes of Murphy, Michael Rappaport and Donal Logue. But even that couldn't get audiences into the seats. Then he voiced Mushu in the 'Wait, that was a Disney cartoon?' Mulan. Then came another one of his crappy remakes, this time taking the timeless Rex Harrison classic Doctor Dolittle and just trouncing on the good memory of it.

Then came a double whammy that he wouldn't soon forget. One was the infamous arrest of picking up a transvestite prostitute and claiming he was just trying to give 'her' a ride to safety. I love that skit. Oh wait, it was real life and he spent a night in jail. And then the second of whammys came when he released Holy Man. Wow, now that was a stinker. And it wasted the fine Jeff Goldblum too.

To this day, I still say that even though he had already had two profitable children films under his belt, the arrest and public backlash that was waiting to happen coaxed him into shedding his once bright star and bringing out the new and children improved Eddie Murphy. But first he had to do the film Life with Martin Lawrence to see if this was true. And the film did halfway decent box office, but nowhere near the good old days of R-rated comedies. And then the last film that I liked him in (and another starring the once great Steve Martin) was Bowfinger.

Easy sequel with the more lewd The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps. I was forced to see that turd in theaters. I don't know how I was convinced, but I know a relationship ended because of it. And then he did the terribly unfunny claymation PJ's. I still wonder how that lasted 2 seasons. There really wasn't anything on UPN, was there?

Now I'll say a little something about Shrek. I really liked the film. I thought it was Dreamworks showing that they could compete with Pixar. Thanks for showing I was wrong with the two Shrek sequels. And it's funny, I thought number 2 was bad, but The Third, I didn't know they could stoop so low. It took them 8 years to make another fun animated film.****

I won't delve into the pile of shit he brought upon us after the first Donkey infused film. I'll just mention them by name. Dr. Dolittle 2, Showtime, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, I Spy, Daddy Day Care and Disney trying to show they could strike gold again with a movie based on a ride, The Haunted Mansion.

A glimmer of hope came about with Dreamgirls. I was surprised to see him acting again and not just phoning it in. I was relieved to see him getting some buzz for awards. Then he acted like an ass and left the Oscars when he didn't win. Didn't he know that you need to play nice to be nominated again in a few years. But we all know that won't happen with films like Norbit or the newly released and bombing worse than Mike Myers racist/ little person bashing extravaganza, Meet Dave.

What happened to the old Eddie Murphy? The one that liked to 'party all the time' and 'boogie in the butt'? The guy who could make a nation laugh. Now he makes the lowest common denominator laugh. The people we tend to loathe when going to a movie theater now. The bottom feeders. And the only thing worse than a bottom feeder is one that feeds them. And that's what Mr. Murphy's become. Harsh? Yes, but he needs a wakeup call.

Will he come back to us? With slight promises of a new stand up special, it tempts me to think that maybe, just maybe there's hope still out there. But then going for a number IV sequel like most other stars of yesteryear with the much loved Brett Ratner (I keed, I keed, I hate him too), it proves to me that the almighty dollar never lies.

Eddie, we'll always have your classics.


*Take that Denny Dillon!

**Well, Will Smith and divorce are the only sure things in Hollywood now.

***Sorry, fat joke.

****Kung Fu Panda, for those not paying attention.

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Steve Martin and why I miss the guy

No people, Steve Martin hasn't died. On the contrary, it's just that his career had taken such a dip in quality that he's been passing on this plane of existence as a spirit that was once funny.

Why do I say that? For starters, I've been watching the first three seasons of Saturday Night Live nonstop as of late, and when you watch him perform, the asshole witty charm oozes out of him. You look at this man, wondering if he's always had white hair (I haven't seen a picture that hasn't).

You watch his classic stand up act and while bizarre and extremely dirty, you can't help but be charmed by Mr. Martin. His records were best sellers, King Tut (on the album Wild and Crazy Guys) being a huge hit the radio. A million seller for that album alone.

An Emmy and 2 time Grammy winner and Oscar nominated individual (his short film The Absent Minded Waiter was nominated for best short film, live action in 1977), his first film was the abysmal but hysterical (but not sure if intended) live action film of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. He's the one singing Maxwell's Silver Hammer. But then success came when he helped write and starred in the classic comedy The Jerk, a Carl Reiner directed picture. I remember watching that film and just laughing my ass off at a young age that I didn't understand half the jokes. One of his films that I like a lot but was a failure in theaters was Pennies From Heaven. At this time in his life, he didn't want to be typecast as that 'crazy comedy guy' so he was always trying to evolve, to make people laugh and to make them think. And sometimes try his hand at something off-kilter.

After this was his most fruitful time, doing a series of films that changed my childhood forever. Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, The Man With Two Brains, All of Me (all three directed by Carl Reiner), Three Amigos, Little Shop of Horrors, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Roxanne and one of my favorites, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (which was made into a halfway decent musical comedy).

Hell, I even like Father of the Bride. My girlfriend is a huge fan of that and it's sequel, but he had that cute sensibility, just trying to get his life together on the screen which made audiences love him.

I still have a special place in my heart for both LA Story and My Blue Heaven. And then he had a great duo of serious roles that spanned a whopping 6 years. Grand Canyon and The Spanish Prisoner. Netflix both of those films if you want to see Martin in roles you never thought he had in him.

And then the downfall started. With the horrible remake of The Out of Towners co-starring everyone's favorite skeleton Goldie Hawn. Ugh, I saw that in theaters with friends and was the only one not laughing. Suffice to say, I don't talk to those people anymore. Then he did a film that when the trailers were out, made my skin crawl like you wouldn't believe. Bringing Down the House was a horrible mess, with bad racist undertones and one of the worst comedic turns by Eugene Levy (and yes, this was before he whored out to all those American Pie movies or made that movie The Man, now there was a steaming pile). It starred rapper, turned entrepreneur, turned drunk driver turned 'is she a lesbian?', turned acting thespian Queen Latifah. And then the triple whammy of Cheaper by the Dozen, Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and Looney Tunes: Back in Action. I'm not sure if and what kinds of drugs he was on at this time, but I know Spencer Tracy wouldn't make a sequel to a classic family movie that he made.

He kind of bounced back with Shopgirl. Based on his own novella, it was a very simple movie, and I enjoyed it a bit. He also just came out with a fantastic memoir called Born Standing Up. It's a funny read, a intimate look inside his personal life.

So what can become of the great Steve Martin. Will he ever get away from movies such as The Pink Panther (well, probably not, considering the sequel comes out in January. Right now, Peter Sellers did a pratfall in his grave)? I hope so. Hosting Saturday Night Live a record 14 times can make someone very comfortable (I'll admit, I haven't watched much of SNL for the last 8 years. But I did catch his last episode back in 2006).

I'll end this on a quote, which I hope reflects why I still hold out hope for the purveyor of Steve Martin's Penis Cream.

"I think there's nothing better for a person to come up and do the same thing over and over for two weeks. This is what I enjoy, so I'm going to do the same thing over and over and over....I'm going to do the same joke over and over in the same show, it'll be like a new thing."

Ahh, always a comedy pioneer.

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