Go ahead. Make my day.

Been watching the new Dirty Harry collection that just came out. So fantastic a set. Lots of cool extras and Best Buy had the cool exclusive file folder from the Scorpio case. Such a geeky thing to have.

But I hate when people actually speak to me about Dirty Harry movies and swear to their almighty god that Harry Callahan speaks those lines in the original Dirty Harry.* It truly boggles my mind that these so called purveyors of film don't even know about the films they love to preach about.

These are the same people who say Frankenstein when speaking about the monster.

The same people who also swear that Bogart utters the line, "Play it again, Sam." in Casablanca.

The same goes for who think Nic Cage is still a good actor. Sad but true people!

So I'll be away at a wedding over this weekend in Massachusetts (exciting!), probably hanging out with Moby (friends with the groom) and watching tons of movies with my girlfriend and a few other people in the dorms (yes, the wedding is at a college). If it's amazing enough, I will write about it. If not, I will only write about the movies.

*It's from the Clint Eastwood helmed Sudden Impact.

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Is it wrong to be happy with someone else's death?

Death. The high cost of living. That's something I heard from Neil Gaiman once. Actually, it was a title of the comic book, but I'm straying from the original concept of this blog.

I asked a question in the title of this blog. Is it wrong to be happy with someone else's death? What am I necessarily talking about in this situation? Well, I'm not the richest kid on the block. To be honest, I work a shitty job at Best Buy counting things. You heard me right, I count stuff in the store. It pays very well and I work Monday to Friday in the wee hours until about 2 p.m. everyday, so it gives me enough time to fight the urge to pass out while watching as many movies as I can. It wasn't always like that, but again I'm straying from the intent of this article.

Not having much money, I learned how to stretch a dollar out. I would buy stuff on clearance. Half off sales. Close out deals. All that fun stuff. This was up until I found out the beauty of The Salvation Army. The graveyard of cool old shit. The other day, as I've been enjoying my long needed vacation*, I said to myself, "Let me check out my neighborhood Salvation Army to see if they have any clothing, records, books or trinkets."

I'm a big lover of trinkets.

But even more so of weird kitschy clothing and books I wouldn't be able to find anywhere else. So while I was perusing the shelves of their books, fingering through multiple copies of The DaVinci Code, James Patterson's usual array of nursery rhyme crapola and self help heaven, I found two books that caught the eye of this here writer.

One was Hollywood and the Great Fan Magazines, a fantastic hardcover from 1970 by Martin Levin. It culls together old fan magazines from the 30's and 40's that people made, delving into the lives of the stars of yesteryear. Think of it as a print version of Perez Hilton. But cuter in concept. I loved reading about the love life of Errol Flynn, but it wasn't the love stories I have heard from others.

The second book was one that I was actually thinking about the other day because one of my co-bloggers here, Adam Campbell, wrote a fantastic blog about The Cocoanuts and the Marx Brothers in general. The book, another hardcover, was 1971's Why a Duck?, an overview of the Marx Brother's movies, with pictures from the actual movies. They love telling you that they weren't publicity shots, but instead are somewhat blurry because it looks as if they took a camera to a movie theater's screen. But it's still a fantastic little collection of quips and Groucho Marx's introduction that makes it worth the $4.99 price tag.

I'll be perusing the Salvation Army more often to let you fine folks know what dead people's families didn't want and left behind for me to buy. If you have any other stories of great finds, let me know. I'd love to know what else dead people haven't the room for in their coffins.

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PSA's and the wonder of childhood

I have tons of weird childhood memories. Stuff that just rushes back to me, or is mentioned to me by my girlfriend that she also liked or disliked. Such as the infamy of the 80's PSA's. You know which ones. The commercials that were supposed to stop you from doing drugs, not be racist, breaking eggs with a frying pan. Learned it by watching you and all that fun stuff.

So there was one PSA for years that I remembered about racial equality. One with a catchy tune that I could've sworn, later on in life, was the 'rap/bebop' guy from The Barenaked Ladies. I remembered the lines, "Doesn't matter if you're black or white, or purple or green or red with polka dots on your head." My friend Tommy also remembered it and knew for a fact it was the guy from BNL*.

So as I perused the internet and Youtube to be exact, I found The Ballad of Gordo, which is the music video/PSA that ran while I was youngling**. Which is in fact the full Barenaked Ladies band doing the song. A rush to my childhood, before I was wronged in various ways. When TMNT was the biggest cartoon around. Which also brings to the forefront the classic, "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey."

If I was more tech savvy with this blog, I'd be posting the videos up on here, to make everyone happy. Nothing brings more joy than PSA's that probably made more kids do drugs than stay off of them. But right now, I'm at a loss and am probably looking at the proper way to post a video, but I'm lazy and need to pass out in a few minutes. Maybe tomorrow I'll go out of my way to search the video option.

* BNL = Barenaked Ladies.... the hippest way to call them.

** Not a word, but I know Obi Wan loved saying it in Revenge of the Sith.

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Seagal: Love/Hate Relationship

Warning: This is a long article. About a kid's dreams, my own, being shattered. I know Vern from Aint It Cool would be sad for me. Enjoy!

There was a time in my life that I liked crappy movies. I had a soft spot for films that starred the likes of Michael Dudikoff, Jean Claude Van Damme, Steve James and even Billy Blanks. Yes, Tae Bo Billy Blanks. But there was one man that I loved in the movies. One guy who I couldn't wait to see in his next film. An action star like no other. And one that spurned me and has made me hate him with a passion you wouldn't believe to this day.

That man, my friends, is Steven Seagal.

When I first saw this god amongst men on celluloid, it was in the middle of the night when I was 9 years old. We had HBO as our only cable channel and the only programs I was allowed to watch were Fraggle Rock and the occasional children's film. Never Ending Story, Time Bandits, Monster Squad... all those classics. As I was saying, in the middle of the night one night during our summer vacation, I couldn't sleep. I was a chubby one, so I snuck upstairs to get some cookies. As I ate Oreos and drank some milk, I flipped on the tv and a movie was on. Above the Law was on and I was a changed little boy. This film was just fantastic to my 9 year old eyes. Here was someone who wasn't the buffest guy, just beating the living crap out of people without even trying. Breaking someone's hand with such ease, it was just amazing to me.


The next day, I woke up early and was mimicking his movements. Very slow at first but then I'd let them have it. My mock opponents were being destroyed, just as Steven Seagal did to his own villains the night before. I had to know more about this mysterious man. These were the days where there was no commonplace internet. So the library was my only source of knowledge. I perused the magazines and film books and found out a little more about this man of many facets. I found out that he was actually a legitimate bad ass and knew martial arts. He was almost a hero to me. But remember folks, there was only the one movie I saw him in. How could he get any better than Above the Law ?

The next year came Hard to Kill. Hard... to... kill. What an orgasmic title for a movie! He's not invulnerable, not at all. But he's such a presence in the world of action films that he would be almost impossible to kill. I snuck in to see this film and it was everything I wanted and more. He gets shot up to the point where you think he's dead. His wife is killed. But what of his son? But wait, they hid him in intensive coma care and he's been there for years, asleep. Kelly Lebrock, before she looked like a train, is the sexy nurse to his aide. William Sadler, Death himself, is the villainous senator. It had everything going for it. Even his character's name, Mason Storm, is so cool. How could he top this one?

I had to know more about this man. But he was a bit of a recluse. Never appearing for interviews. I remember hearing about announced interviews with him on television, but then he would cancel at the last moment, dashing my hopes to see him speaking outside a film world. Why wouldn't this man just show me the way he was, not the soft spoken, tough talking, kill you in two seconds type of guy he portrayed in the movies?

The next film in this man's repertoire was Marked For Death. First he was so badass, he was above the law, then he was so hard to kill and now... marked for death? What the hell kind of trouble could our hero be in now? A DEA agent, in Colombia tackling drug lords. His partner was killed and deep down, he blames himself and therefore retires. But if there's one thing I've learned from cop films is that the hero never retires. Then there's a shootout with Jamaican drug kingpins, one of which is named Screwface. How in the world could this film end? Just take it back to Jamaica, where Screwface has run away to and ultimately beat the drug kingpin at his own game. The memories are starting to choke me up a bit right now, actually.

He was cranking out the movies in rapid fire motion and being a fan of his meant eating every little bit of it up. It's when I found out that his next film, Out For Justice would be filming in Brooklyn, New York that I almost had a heart attack. My hero, filming a movie in my backyard? I couldn't believe it. I had to go meet him. But I was a pudgy nervous kid who was scared half to death to meet this god amongst men. So I decided to talk my friend Rick into coming with me to meet him, only because he was pudgier and more scared. What better duo than that?

We would travel the streets of 18th Avenue and 86th Street, looking for him. We saw the other film crew walking around. I even got to meet William Forsythe, who later in my years would be one of my favorite actors. But at such a young age, I was only looking for one man and one man alone. Seagal had to be found. It took us days, asking different members of the film crew where Mr. Seagal could be. They'd tell us (they were very nice) and we'd go to where they told us to go, but we would find out we just missed him. This enigma had to be solved and I was the one to find the key!

Finally on a special day, we were walking up 18th Avenue and we saw the giant 6 foot 4 inch frame of Steven Seagal wearing sunglasses, walking up the block with a bottle of water in one hand and a script in the other, speaking to a female around 19 years of age. I was shaking in my Keds so my friend Rick somehow gets the guts within him and walks over to Mr. Seagal. I of course wag my tail behind me and run over behind Rick. We walk over to this massive man and my heart is racing. My brow is sweaty and I'm wiping it so I don't look like some sick kid who is going to infect Steven Seagal with retardation. My friend Rick is the first to speak.

Rick: Hello Mr. Seagal. My friend James and I are huge fans of yours ever since we saw your film Above the Law. Do you mind if you gave us your autograph?

I didn't even care about an autograph. I just wanted Steven Seagal to acknowledge that I was alive and meant something. He looked down at us, pulling his shades down just enough so we could see his eyes. My throat clenched up. What was this man about to say? I had goosebumps thinking of the possibilities.

Steven Seagal: How about you take your fat ass and move out of my way before I break you in half, scrub! Beat it! Before I beat you!

We promptly moved to the side as he continued to walk by, with his script and female in tow. My friend Rick was shaking but then was excited that a celebrity threatened his life. He was that type of kid. What did it matter to him? My heart was broken. Shattered into millions of pieces. And why? Because Steven Seagal noticed my friend and threatened his life and not mine! That was supposed to be me that would get the might of the gods thrown down upon me. Not this Rick kid. I couldn't believe it and when I finally stabilized, Mr. Seagal was gone.

Forever.

Did I mention how much I hate Steven Seagal?

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Vacation?

While I was putting my dirty clothes from the past month or so in the washing machines at my local laundromat (or laundermat, as some would have you believe), my mind started to wander. It might have been because of the whirring of the machines. Maybe the shuffling of little old ladies. Or the drowning sound of The Insider on CBS. But it made me have to leave and run back to my apartment to escape that existence.

At least until the dryer part occurs.

But I also have to return one of my favorite movies to Blockbuster that I had bought for 4 for $20. Yes, the infamous used DVD sales that Blockbuster throws at me and all of us. All of the time. About 20% of my collection is from sales such as those. And I've had people scoff at me when I tell them I buy movies from Blockbuster. Scoffing? At me? Since when did buying used DVD's become passe?

The film I must return though is Hollywood Shuffle. Reason being? When I finally got a chance to open it (it's a problem that I have. I'll buy a ton of DVD's and let them sit for a week and finally start to catch up with the watching) it had not a scratch, but instead the disc was cracked right through the middle.

Um... what? How the hell do you crack a DVD in half? And then return it to the store. And then the employees just let it sit there, for years probably, collecting dust, until finally a schlub like me decides to finally purchase the fine Robert Townsend film, a film that I've wanted to own for years. Jeri curls and Keenan Ivory Wayans. It angers me to no end. It's happened a handful of times, and I've found a few gems throughout my horrible experiences. Like one of my favorite creature features, Squirm.

So I must go back today, while the dryer occurs. I will run to my neighborhood Blockbuster and ask them the following, "When I bought this last week, I did not have the chance to look to see if my disc was placed in a buzz saw. Next time I shall, but please let me peruse your used section once more and continue my addiction. Thank you."

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I will be posting all of my blogs from CHUD onto here as well

This was my introductory one on CHUD. Enjoy, comment, all that fun shite.



Hello all. James here, new blogger on Chud. Well, no shite, but I thought I'd be formal and introduce myself. Living in New York City in the borough of Brooklyn (or as the 'cool kids'/ Spike Lee says, Crooklyn ), I see a lot and I hear a lot. About what, I really don't know. A little bit here and a little bit there. But now I'm rambling, so what was I going to talk about?

I helped my uncle today with the unloading of his apartment. You see, he had a fire last week on Memorial Day (what a memory!) and he's been devastated by the amount of damage. A bit depressing, I know. But it's real life folks! He was the person who I got the whole collector adage from and since then, I've accumulated a DVD collection at around 1400. But it had me thinking about the devastation that a fire could do to someone's life, per se.

Luckily, his life is intact. But right now, all his memories are skewed from left to right. He sees this happy place as a citadel of burden. Of pain and non-virtue. It's quite sad, considering my uncle tends to be the happiest person in my entire family.

As I sit at my brother's computer, celebrating my belated birthday with my family, even after all that's happened, he still went out of his way to get me a present. He's mad, I know. But once more he gave me stuff I could collect and put on a shelf and start conversations with people who come by my new apartment. I would have started on a brighter note if life gave us those notes.

Family is fighting like cats and dogs. *sigh* Things are starting to get back on track already.

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Don't ever use Schick Quattro Titanium

It's as if I shaved my face with sandpaper. Laced with glass. And throw a bit of turpentine on there as well. Might as well. It would have been less painful.

And just so everyone knows, like most men on the face of this earth who shave, I tend to shave fairly quick. All those times I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, the shaving part never stuck in my head. They say to shave slow... but I'm on the road to the fast lane. The hell with slow shaving!

But back to the devil's razor. As I was getting ready for a night of fun times with friends for my birthday, I lather my face up with the usual gel that foams up. It's always amazed me. I feel like a cat with a ball of string. I put on the water, making sure it's right before it scalds. And I take the razor out, as if it would be my Excalibur. But as I did the first scrape down my cheek, I felt a pain I haven't felt in quite some time. I made me bleed my own blood.

Not once. Not twice. But roughly 14 times. On my face. The moneymaker. How could I do that to myself? And it's not that I don't like Schick. I've used Schick for years. My last razor was another Schick razor. Another one with 4 blades. And didn't cut myself once. So I'm thinking Schick decided they liked being a pain in the face and made a razor only sadists and masochists would prefer.

I like that.

SCHICK RAZORS! A Pain in the FACE!!

Ok, time for some sushi.

-J a m e s

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Things are looking a bit up

Yes. A positive topic. Wow, is something wrong with the big, bad James?

No, not yet at least. I mean, in two days it's my birthday. The age: 28. Not an important age. Well, as long as I'm still breathing, it's important.

But that's not why things are looking up.

1. My uncle is feeling a bit better from the horrible fire that took everything. So that's good. Going to help him out tomorrow with salvaging what's left in the rubble. Hopefully a few things won't be too destroyed.

2. Got contacted via email by Nick Nunziata of Chud.com fame. Head honcho over there. They had a posting about wanting people to do blogs on there. No pay, of course. But it's all about experience and exposure. So the email I got was more or less saying I have a blog up there now. On a real site. I mean, this is a real site, per se. But now it's an actual popular site. With writers who are renowned. So that's very exciting. Need to think of a little bio blurb and a nice enough picture to give as my profile pic. We shall see!

3. And I got my second gift from Danyell for my birthday today. First gift was the Why So Serious poster with Ledger's Joker behind glass wiping with bloody fingers those famous words. The second gift somehow trumps that one by being the best DVD set (well, best DVD set not sold here. She got me the Japanese Grindhouse 6 DVD set. Which has the original cut of the film with trailers intact. It's not much to ask for here in the States. But now that I have it, I really don't need a Region 1 release.

But I know I'd buy it anyway. I'm a sucker when it comes to Tarantino.

So yeah, going to get a day by day basis of my exciting life. Or lack of one. Soon you'll also be able to see my wit on www.chud.com

Be prepared.

-James

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Why I've been no posting?

My family has been going through too many painful moments in the last few months, which we've been trying to get past, get through and go forward from. But the problem is, every time we get through one obstacle, somebody throws us a whopper of a curve ball to trip us up again.

First I was kicked out of comedy classes because of a terrible circumstance. Then my aunt's been dealing with cancer for the last few months, was fighting through it, then went into a coma. The hospital in queens all but wrote her off, but luckily her actual doctor saw through their laziness, got her to their hospital in Manhattan, worked on her and she's still alive, awake now, slowly getting over the initial effects of chemo. She's dealing with pneumonia now, but she'll get past that too.

Then on Memorial Day, while I sat down to show Danyell The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, I got a dreadful call from my brother, letting me know my uncle's apartment went up in flames. Nothing is left. His life of collecting figures, baseball cards, movie memorabilia and other various goodies is all gone. He only has the clothes he wore to work that day left and his car. He's a wreck, and for good reason. And he dreads that he didn't get insurance on his collection, like he had said he would get so many times before.

So I apologize for not being able to get the day by day play by play up and running on here. I should only have one hand right now, but hell, I'm giving myself a break right now. This is my birthday week, so something good is bound to happen, right?

Please?

Well, I will be finishing the last article I was writing, the top 10 or so list of my favorite childhood movies. I'll also be starting up a few other articles. The 88 cent CD review will be one. Bargain Bin Bonanza for cheap DVDs will be another. And a RACISM EXPLOSION as well will be an article presented by my good friend Jonathan Ramses. Plus a ton of other people will be getting articles ready soon. My friend T. Johnson will have a few, as well as friends Andrew, Sam, Danyell, comix by Althea and many other people to be announced.

The site www.CombinationsFollow.com will go live on July 1st. It has to. I need something to go right for a change.

But hopefully I won't die tomorrow. If not, another article will be presented.

Excelsior and all that bullshit.

-James

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Sometimes a fish is just a fish

And a Beatles film is just that, a Beatles film. Light on subject matter but a bit high on the laughs. Just got the Beatles HELP! on DVD finally, which was one of my favorite films to watch while I was a kid. I just saw it on television recently and it brought back great memories. Which leads me to want to write down a top 10 list of films I watched religiously as a kid, from the time I could remember to about the age of 14, which was the age that my eyes were opened to the world of cinema with a little film called Reservoir Dogs when my good friend Mike from back yonder gave it to me on VHS. What's that you ask? I'll explain that in another blog.

Time for some list action. Oh, and I'm not listing any Star Wars or Indiana Jones film considering that of course I loved them all. I'd just rather people see an overall viewing of my taste as a child. The only thing is, this will take a few days to write the snippets on each movie. So await a great top 10 (or so) list.



10) Wayne's World : Man, what can I say about this film? Made me appreciate and love Queen on so many levels, saw the brilliance of Mike Myers and Dana Carvey before one squandered it all on animated tripe and the other just disappeared into obscurity. It's a doofy film operating on a different level though. A lot of layers, especially to the characters. And Rob Lowe as Benjamin Kane always made my skin crawl. And Tia Carrere... wow, she was someone who was exotic to me. What? I was 12 when it came out people! Schwing!




9) Batman and Batman: The Movie : One was a dark knight like we only saw in the comic books. The other was from the 60's and did the Bat-toosy. And you know what? I loved them both to death. One was a nostalgia thing I'd watch with my mom, where she would keep telling me how she met both Adam West and Burt Ward at the premiere in New York City. Years later, hearing about the very sexual nature of those two, switching partners like they were sweatpants, I asked my mom if she was a conquest in their sexual escapades. Then she reminded me she was 8 at that time.

And the other, a Tim Burton film when it actually meant something (Don't get me wrong, I liked Sweeny Todd, but it's sub par, and I don't like the message of Big Fish at all, thought the remake of Wonka was cgi laden and without a soul, and let's not get into the Apes remake as well.). He took Batman, made the city of Gotham dark, took the Joker and had a coked to the moon Jack Nicholson play the Joker like we had never seen before (I'm hoping Heath Ledger changes that). It was an eye opener, a film that was quite violent, sexually charged and deaths galore... yet it was PG-13 and my parents took me to see it. And I loved every minute of it.



8)Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory : What can I say about this movie? Made me see the brilliance of Gene Wilder at a young age. Asking my parents to see any film with the Wonka guy. But why is it so great? A film that was originally just a huge candy commercial for a new chocolate bar from Nestle (which melted really fast), it became such a childhood favorite because essentially it's creepy as all hell. I remember when I hadn't seen it for a few years and finally picked up the DVD release
and just reliving the demented scenes and the very subtle humor that passes through scene to scene. And Gene Wilder's calm yet crazed portrayal of Mr. Wonka. Sorry Johnny, but I still prefer Mr. Wilder. And the Oompa Loompas were actual people, not just one guy that was repeatedly implanted in each scene. Lame as hell. And I was happy to know that my friends also fast forwarded the song/scene 'Cheer Up Charlie.'



7)Explorers : Here's a weird one. A young Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. A children's sci-fi film directed by Joe Dante. Robert Piccardo in more alien makeup. Dick Fucking Miller in another grand Dante role. A film about if you dream hard enough and have the help of your friends, you too can build a spaceship and fly to the heavens in search of adventure. It's also about disappointment in life but to not beat yourself up about it. When they meet the aliens who might have helped them construct the circuit board for the ship, they aren't too excited about what the aliens look like. Instead, it's almost a smile and a nod. Imaginations sometimes run a little wild, and this film just opened my little eyes to always look to the stars, but don't go crazy about it.



6)Time Bandits : What's better than a film of a bunch of time travelers? A film about a bunch of little people who time travel in order to rob from the past's wealthiest patrons. Terry Gilliam crafted a dark children's film. A film of betrayal but also of friendship. I remember thanking some unknown person in my room that Kevin's parents weren't my own. Those people were just a bit mean and cared too much for material things. And when you have a cast that consisted of Sean Connery (as the kind King Agamemnon who Kevin wants as his father), Ian Holm (a power hungry and drunken Napoleon, who hides his hand in his jacket because it's fake), David Rappaport (the greedy Randall who is good at heart and helped create the universe), David Warner (as the Evil Genius, who is so brilliantly despicable), John Cleese (as Robin Hood, who steals from the rich and has someone beat the living crap out of the poor, but then gives them a little loot), Peter Vaughan (as Winston the Ogre, who has terrible back pains), Katherine Helmond (who plays Winston's wife Mrs. Ogre) and Kenny 'R2D2' Baker (as Fidgit, one of the thieving creators of the universe).

It's just one of those films that I can still pop in, relive my childhood and laugh at the little things now, or notice that Jim Broadbent is in the film, and appreciate the hysterical script by Gilliam and Monty Python alum Michael Palin (who also has a great part as Vincent, the whiny gentleman who has something wrong in his nether region and wants so bad to be with Shelly Duvall's character.)

"I must have fruit!"



5)The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: The second Terry Gilliam film on the list, as you can see at this impressionable age, I was opening my eyes to the absurdist humor of Monty Python. Having both this and Time Bandits on a tape together was always bliss. I would just sit in my room, pop it in and for 4 hours be transported to another world, a scary but fun world. Of course with the newly released DVD, with the fantastic making of documentary (don't want to ruin it for you, but as a kid you don't realize all the trials and lawsuits that this film went through, makes you appreciate it just a bit more). John Neville is simply amazing as Baron Munchausen (I'm sorry, it's actually Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen), who has aged significantly since his heyday. Everyone thinks he's an old nutter because he thinks the actors are his old crew of adventurers. All but Sally (played by a young Sarah Polley). She believes him and wants to help him find his friends so they can fight the Sultan and his never ending army of turks.

You have Robin Williams as the king of the moon, who when attached to his body, is a sexually crazed psychopath), Oliver Reed as Vulcan, the god, who's wife Venus (played by a very young Uma Thurman) opened my eyes with the brief showing of her 18 year old breast. It was a PG film but had that?? Fantastic. Unbelievable. And true! You also had Jonathan Pryce as the evil Right Ordinary Horatio Jackson and Eric Idle as Berthold, the fastest man alive. Music by torture was something that I could never imagine as a child. As was the Baron's insatiable sexual desire for women. Which was sometimes his weakness. But like any grand scale adventure film, everything somehow works out in the end. It's one of the films that I show to as many people to gauge what kind of film fan they are.



4)Mrs. Doubtfire Yes, I know that it came out when I was 13. But it was a film that was probably watched more than any other film on this list because my brother and I were huge Robin Williams fans. Especially in drag. And as a kid, I realized that it was a bit creepy for a guy to dress up as an old woman so he could take care of his kids. I remember asking my dad why he didn't just be a good dad and husband so he could have kept his family together. And he said that he was a crazy and it was a movie so I shouldn't think too hard about it. Which made me think hard about everything I watched from that point forward. This coming from someone who connected the sitcom Charles in Charge overlapping the true life events of Charles Manson and his band of killer women.

But this film is the last great Robin Williams film. He got to play a guy with a screw loose with good intentions. That's the thing we notice right away. He does love his kids more than his own well being. And Sally Field is great as the ex-wife who is finally taking her life into her own hands and sick of having to pick up the pieces from her husbands child like ways. Pierce Brosnan plays the debonair former friend/ fling of Field's back in college, who light their relationship back up and isn't a bad guy at all. In fact, he's very cool with the fact that she has 3 kids and loves them to death. He's just not a big fan of Daniel Hillard.

Throw in Harvey Fierstein as his gay brother who is also a special effects guy, hence the transformation into Mrs. Doubtfire. It makes you look back at Chris Columbus and ask yourself, "This is the same guy who directed both Home Alone films, Bicentennial Man and Rent?"





3)TIE The Last Starfighter/Masters of the Universe : Another tie between two films that haven't much in common. It doesn't mean they aren't both fun as all hell. One is a movie based around a video game which is in actuality a test for a galactic federation of space pilots.



2)Flash Gordon : Flash! Ahhhhhhhhh! He'll save everyone of us. That's all I need to say. Queen's music mixed with cheesy effects. And Timothy Dalton's almost Bondish prince and Max Von Sydow as Meng... that's all I need to say about that.




1)The Monster Squad and Gremlins : Two horror themed kid movies. Well, are they really kid movies? Both are by horror directors (Fred Dekkar and Joe Dante). Both are films I can still watch today (especially since Monster Squad just came out with a grand DVD release which I cherish the moment I bought it a week before it officially came out). Both had violence unheard of in a children's movie (well, I know Prince Caspian supposedly is very grim for a PG flick, but Disney knows how to pay off the MPAA). The Monster Squad has so many memorable lines in it, such as "My name is Horace!", "Don't be such a chicken shit." and the many references to the word faggot by every character I'm surprised Dracula didn't utter the word as well. Hell, the Squad was a bunch of believable kids who were horror freaks like I was, who battled the Universal monsters tooth and nail and ultimately defeated them with team work. Gremlins had a believable kid who gets a cute pet, who sadly pops out some fucked up mogwai and they all eat after midnight to transform into the title creatures.

Good times for all. Spielberg's influence is felt throughout the film, but unlike a film like Poltergeist, it still has Mr. Dante's signature on it. Sorry Tobe, I had to go there. Dekkar had just done Night of the Creeps (where's that dvd release?!?!) and who'd have thought he would do a competent children's movie which people have grown to love and taken it beyond some kitschy film of the past and into a cult phenomenon. These films have that rare thing instilled in them. Great stories, great acting, great special effects, great scares, great laughs, great direction and perfect timing for someone as susceptible as me. To this day, I've probably watched them over a hundred times. I wore out my tapes to the point where certain scenes were no longer viewable. Luckily DVD is slightly more durable and will last a long time for myself to watch these films again and again. And you're doing yourselves a disservice if you don't check them out.


I'm speaking about every film on this list. Netflix them, buy them for cheap. Do anything to get a chance to see some films that if you missed as a kid, then you didn't have a proper childhood. If you're ten years younger than me, well, no excuse either. See them now and make them your own. That's the great thing about cinema and the art of film making. Even if you weren't born at the time of release, you can adopt a film the same way today that someone 25 years ago had taken these films into account when they saw them on the big screen.

Until next time, check out Stuart Gordon's latest Stuck. I know I will on my birthday, May 31st. And while you're at it, buy me some gifts. You know you want to.

-James

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